As we near November 4, I was musing over the similarities between politics and Halloween. After all, the fact that they both occur at the same time can't just be a coincidence, can it? People spend weeks putting stuff on their lawn for an event that lasts only one day. Dozens of people ring your doorbell pretending to be something they're not and then forget about you until the next time around. Below are several scenes from this year's trick or treating, yet to take place.
Dateline: October 31, 2008. Wasilla, Alaska. Home of the Palin family.
Boy in costume approaches home and rings doorbell. Sarah Palin answers.
Sarah Palin: "What are you dressed as little boy?"
Boy: "I'm a socialist!"
Sarah Palin: "Oh, my, that is scary! You know, although I want to you a full size candy bar, I can't because under Barack Obama's plan, government would give almost half of it away to give to kids who didn't bother to trick or treat themselves. Because of the Democrats, I can only give you this little miniature size Krackel bar instead. Don't share it with anyone now, eh?
Dateline: October 31, 2008. Chicago, Illinois. Home of Barack Obama.
Girl in costume approaches home and rings doorbell. Barack Obama answers.
Barack Obama: "What are you dressed as little boy?"
Girl: "I'm a pro-Hillary Democrat!"
Barack Obama: "Well, uh, first of all, I want to thank you for coming to my home to trick or treat. Hillary gives out great candy this time of year, and it was nice of her to have you to come to my house. Unfortunately, after 8 years of George W. Bush, we don't have any candy to give out this year. And if you vote for John McCain, we'll have 4 more years of failed chocolate policy.
Dateline: October 31, 2008. Washington D.C. The White House.
Boy in costume approaches home and rings doorbell. George W. Bush answers.
Dubya: "What are you dressed as, little boy?"
Boy: "I'm a compassionate conservative!"
Dubya: "A what?" (pause) "Oh, yeah." (chuckles) "I forgot about that!" Well what can I do for you?"
Boy: "Trick or treat!"
Dubya: "Tell you what, kid. See, we got it under control. Benny, Hank and I have come up with a plan. First, we're going to infuse the candy industry with a trillion gazillion dollars to start making candy again. Then, we'll appoint Willy Wonka to make sure it gets distributed fairly. I'm sure once we've spurred the chocolate industry again, you'll be able to get more candy. My sugar-coated plan puts trick-or-treaters first.