Just a quick reminder that for one day, we can put all the cynicism aside and come together as a country united in the notion that we kicked some serious British hiney after writing one of the most revered kiss-off letters history has known.

We don't often see it, but there is far more that brings us together in this country than divides us, and we should we proud that we're so lucky to debate the finer points.

Happy 4th to all, and see you at the parade!

-Andy

P.S....I know I've run this before.  So sue me!

hen in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

— John Hancock

New Hampshire:
Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton

Massachusetts:
John Hancock, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry

Rhode Island:
Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery

Connecticut:
Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott

New York:
William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris

New Jersey:
Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark

Pennsylvania:
Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer,James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross

Delaware:
Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean

Maryland:
Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton

Virginia:
George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton

North Carolina:
William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn

South Carolina:
Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton

Georgia:
Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton

We're no longer on the eve of an environmental disaster.  This is the day of environmental disaster.  As reports flood in that oil has already reached the shores of Louisiana, many of us are asking, "Why?"  Others are asking, "How?"  And finally, Republicans are asking, "So what?" 

Well, that last one isn't exactly true.  Or fair.  But Republicans have done the equivalent of turning their heads in the air, looking around, and asking, "Hmm?  What?  Did you say something?".  They're ignoring what's going on around us.  That is, except Bobby Jindal, who yesterday declared a state of emergency for Louisiana, asking the National Guard to be mobilized.  And, of course, except for Charlie Crist..who has now taken a serious look at his position on drilling.  But don't worry folks, these guys won't be Republicans for long.  They're obviously too sensible and moderate to appeal to the newly rabid core constituency. 

Obama, a latecomer to possibility of offshore oil exploration has taken any consideration of expansion off the table for now,and rightly so.  . 

Let's face it folks, this one's looking to be a shitter.  You know, 20 years ago or so when the Exxon Valdez crashed, it was an ecological disaster.  That it happened in Alaska, in the nation's backyard, might have reduced its impact to Americans in the continental US.  After all, some people might say, "Eh, Alaska.  That's practically Russia!".

Basically, some version of group amnesia has bandied about for a while now, as the delirious fumes of  "Drill, Baby, Drill!"  chants fumed Republican and tea bagger rallies since 2008. 

But even as of today, there are reports that the oil has reached the mighty Mississippi River.  Can the oil spill affect the river going Northbound into the Midwest?  I sure as hell hope not.  But that's what we're faced with now.  Already a "pungent fuel smell" can be inhaled as far north as New Orleans.  Just what those guys need.  Another environmental catastrophe.

As it is, even with oil amounts of far less than the Valdez spill, the Gulf is a much more area, environmentally speaking.  Marshlands in the gulf protect numerous specious of animals, many that are threatened or endangered.  According to CBS news, Jindal said there were 10 wildlife areas or refuges in Louisiana and Mississippi in the oil plume's path.  Shrimp season was allowed to start early to allow shrimpers to try to salvage some catch. 

Some of the protected species at risk include North Atlantic BlueFin Tuna, Sea Turtles, sharks, dolphins, whales, Imagine the effect on fishing, shipping, and recreational travel in and along the Gulf.  It's clearly bad, and potentially devastating. 

The head of Florida's EPA was also quoted saying that it may be two or three months before the discharge of oil from the underground well can be stopped. 

in all this, we shouldn't forget that 11 lives were lost.  Offshore drilling on these platforms can't be the easiest or safest work.  i hope that this, like mine safety, gets a very close look. 

 I don't know what's worse--that the uppercrusters at Frontier Airlines think all we care about is the cookies, or that the oafs at the journal sentinel think we're so insecure about our food issues here that we need reassurance in the headlines.

Case in point:  Republic Airways announced (big surprise), it would be dropping the Midwest name from their ships...er, planes.... as of 2011, and replacing them with more panoramic animal pictures.  I guess Frontier's plane designs are the Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom of plane designs. 

In an attempt to pander to us, a Frontier has thrown us a few bones.  First, lucky us, we're keeping the cookies!  Yay!  Second, we're getting planes decorated with badgers.   Um.  Yay?  At least they stopped short of cows.  Although, now that I think of it, a freshly painted dairy cow on the plane's derriere?  Kinda funny.  But no one asked me.

So in any event, what are we getting out of the deal?  We've lost what's left of our hometown airline's identity except--get this--the slogan!  Best Care in the Air!  We're keeping that!  Well, actually, we're not.  Frontier is getting it.  Midwest is gone.  So we'll get to see a completely different airline use it.  Maybe a fresh owner will pick up the dusty old slogan and give it some good use.  Most importantly, tho, is that  we'll get to keep the cookies.  Apparently no other airline in the last 25 years has thought of serving free gooey chocolate chip cookies on their flights.  So they'll remain our little secret.  

You know, it's funny.  Air travel is more stressful and time consuming than ever before.  We're charged to check our own bags.  It's more expensive.  I don't know about you guys, but I'd rather save a few hundred bucks on air fare for me and the family than get the cookies.  Although, I have to admit...they are good cookies.  Cooooooooookies.  Unnggghh....

I also have to admit something else.  I recently flew Frontier to Orlando.  And back. (technically not sure if it was Frontier or "Midwest DBA Frontier".  Not that it matters).   It was a good experience.  Very good.  Better experience than I've ever had on a midwest flight.  Leather seats. TV's (eat that Old Midwest!)  Plus I got cookies!  

Still, I'm holding out for free in-flight cheese curds.

 With the Nicolet School Board election just around the corner (almost immediately after spring break), I thought I'd get out the word now on why I'm voting for Ellen Redeker.

I've had the pleasure of serving on the Glendale River HIlls School District Foundation with Ellen for a number of years and during her term as president.

Ellen has a natural charm and leadership style that gets things done.  As a member of the foundation, I was impressed by her ability to engage discussions amongst parents as well as direct and delegate.  

I've always had the sense that Ellen understands finances and budgeting, and cares about the greater good of the school.  I'm sure she will impart her judgment and dedication to excellence as a member of the NIcolet School Board.  

Not sure what the problem is.  3rd time's a charm...

comment below.  I'll be online.

Is this the end of The Tonight Show? 

What was NBC thinking?

I'm just an armchair TV executive, but I can't believe the nonsense NBC has put Conan through, and I hope he fights the good fight. 

For those of you who missed it, Jay Leno has had a TV show on NBC for the last several months.  It's in the slot previously known as 'prime time', now known as 'dead air'. 

Here's what I don't get.  Having seen a taping of Jay Leno's 'Tonight' in 1997, I can tell you that the man is funny.  He was funnier in person, and a show that the audience had a great time at didn't translate into so much fun when we watched it later...something just never translated from Jay Leno into greater TV. (in the interest of full disclosure, you should know that at that taping I received a free T-shirt for dancing shirtless on stage.  I also received passes for the world premiere of Speed 2:  Cruise Control.  Kind of a mixed bag on the freebeies.)

Personally, I think after the war between Letterman and Leno, NBC was too gun shy, and really wanted to play it safe.  Too safe.  As a result, the show became bland.  But bland though it may have been, it was still a genuinely funny show.  Letterman as always is smart, sharp, and really works a joke well.  Jay Leno, once the dust settled, made a more approachable host, I think.

Looking back, I remember the first few shows of Conan's tenure at 'Late Night', taking over for Dave.  They were rough, yes, but despite his inability to do a monologue, Conan was distinctly able to find outrageous humor.  He had a slant, certainly.  Spice, if you will. The same quality that ultimately made him a great showman and comedian.  That being said, everyone recalls that there were days where Conan's job security was threadbare...days away from termination, potentially. 

NBC, fearing a similar war in the event of Jay's retirement, created a deal over 5 years in advance, guaranteeing O'Brien the helm of the coveted Tonight Show.  As I understood it, the deal was very profitable for O'Brien, with many job securities brought in.  He had been in negotiations with other networks, and would have been swept away--with his audience--had NBC not locked him in. 

Unfortunately, as time got near, Leno decided he didn't want to retire.  And let's face it, the dude gets some respect for the job he accomplished at 'Tonight'.  However, from there, NBC screwed it up. 

Back to Andy the armchair executive:  if I were running NBC, I would have given Jay a prime time variety hour.  Instead, NBC gave him 5 prime time variety hours.  Thus, instead of recreating Laugh In, or Jackie Gleason, or the Smothers Brothers, or Ed Sullivan...they created a boring, bland, despairingly void wasteland of a talk show.  Rather than sharpen the show, it got dull, dull, dull.  Now I do watch it from time to time, and I think some of his bits were good.  But what I can't understand is how a competent, humorous TV show went the way of the dodo so quickly.  After all, it's not like Jay Leno lost any of his staff.  Or his space.  NBC bought a new location for Conan, and he shipped his entire NY crew in to LA.  Conan was able to make his show, in my opinion, funnier and with broader appeal.  Why not Jay?

Meanwhile, the heavily promoted Jay Leno Show only succeeded in drawing away attention from Conan's hosting duties, as well as divert potential guests.  NBC willingly helped Jay Leno steal Conan's thunder.  So when Conan's show is "underperforming", one wonders whose fault that is.  In any event, this perception that 'Tonight' has faltered is also a myth.  Though it bled older views to Letterman, this was insignificant given a strong 18-49 demographic.  The show needed, and needs, time to connect and build its audience.  Just like Jay Leno's show did. 

So by this point, NBC has already made a series of bad decisions.  It probably shouldn't have given Conan the deal he had in the first place.  It definitely shouldn't have put Jay on 5 days a week.  Now, Jay Leno has "met network goals", or whatever bland language NBC is still using to save face over that debacle, and they've cooked up a new ham-fisted strategy for "saving late night":  keep Leno on 5 days a week, just push him back to 11:35 EST (10:35 CST, here). 

So the plan is to reward Jay Leno for failing by giving Conan even less of an opportunity to succeed.  Either that, or this is a very public way to push Conan out and restore the Leno throne.  Either possibility is a loser.  Butting Conan back 30 minutes is just an insult.  A very public one.  The kind of insult that says, "FU viewers", and creates a malaise.  It creates a taint. 

And the worst part is, whether Jay Leno stays in a new 30 minute show or goes back to the Tonight Show, he's damaged goods, too.

The point is, that NBC isn't going to recover from this one so fast.  They've dug a real hole for themselves.  They've angered and emasculated two of their tentpole stars, neither of whom caused this fiasco (ok, maybe Leno contributed, but he's a nice guy, right?).  That being said, Leno needs to take one on the chin (glad to use that pun), and retire.  It's the only way for everyone to save face and move on.  It's the only way to stop the limit the extent of the damage. 

Earlier today, Conan O'Brien released a very emotional statement arguing for preserving the heritage and legacy of 'Tonight' (and his own ass), by not shoving it back a half hour, into, literally, the next day.  He's right about that.  He's also right of the wrongful damage inflicted on 'Late Night' by being pushed back to 1:05 a.m. 

Eventually, I suspect, Conan will leave and/or sue NBC, and start a new show on Fox, which is salivating to get into late night. 

Who will get the last laugh? 

Probably not me. 

 So it's been a few days since my last post, and seeing how even a few hours away from my refreshing voice seems to cause catastrophic damage to the community, I felt I should see the new year out with a bang.

Well, wait, not a bang.  That's not a good simile.  Metaphor.  Onomotopeapod.  After all, what prompted me to this week's edition of Roasted Nuts was, actually, fireworks.

My family was supposed to have gone to Disney World this week, a trip that had to be rescheduled at the last minute.  And shortly before canceling the trip I was reviewing the TSA 3 ounce fluid protocol with the "exception" for baby formula and milk.  I managed to fixate on the TSA's failure to comprehend the humor in stating the following:  "Mothers are now permitted to bring breast milk in quantities greater than 3 ounces as long as it's declared for inspection at the security checkpoint."  (http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/children/formula.shtm).  

As I was musing over the specifics of enforcement procedures and suspect profiling, I realized that because of the Christmas events this past week, practically every carry-on policy will be changing soon.  And I had more important things to think about.  Like what the heck to call this guy who tried to bring down the NWA flight on christmas day.  The best I've heard to date, thanks to Rachel Maddow, was the 'Christmas Underwear Bomber'.  Others now refer to him as the "Christmas Bomber", but I prefer going in the other direction.  How about, the "Undabomber"?  (The Tidy-Whitey-Terrorist?  The Fruit of the Loom Fuse-Lighter?  the BVD Bomber?**)  But as catchy as that sounds, I'm not sure it'll pick up.  And it's disappointing, too.  But people have already diverted their attention from catchy names for terrorists to playing the "Republican Double Standard" game.  You know, like when President Bush says "Heck of a job, Brownie", it's good; but Janet Napolitano's comment about post-attempt response, "the system worked", isn't.  Tom Ridge chastised the President for potentially considering giving criminal rights to the Undabomber, But no one in the Bush administration had qualms about their successful criminal prosecution of the Shoe Bomber, Richard Reid.  The criminal system worked for Bush to try Reid, but not for Obama to try the Undabomber? (How about Wedgie Warrior?)  It's hypocrisy, pure and simple.  The sad fact is that things are going to get tighter at airports again, and body scans are going to become commonplace.  Invasion or not, if that's all that works, that's all that works.  What won't work is restricting bathroom or overhead access during the last hour of a flight, as has been suggested.  Major League Baseball stopped selling beers after the 7th inning, but people still get drunk.  Once someone's in the plane, that's the end of it.  It needs to be stopped on the ground.  And technology is one way to do it.  Sharing terrorist information appropriately seems to be another, which the CIA, FBI and Dept of Homeland Security apparently must ponder again.  

Unfortunately, it's proof that people like the Undabomber still exist.  Damn.  You know, Undabomber..I just don't know if it works.  It sounds ok to say, but not on print.  Where did our good terrorist nicknames go?  I mean, the media is great at stoking the fires of paranoia.  Great american criminals deserve great american nicknames.  It's a proud heritage.  In the last decade alone we've got the Shoe Bomber, the  American Taliban, Unabomber, 'Scarface' Al Capone, 'Bugsy' Siegel,  

How about the Nigerian Nincompoop?

____

Let's see what else is happening in the world.  Hmm., it just came out today that AT&T dropped Tiger Woods.  Why should he be any different?  From what I understand, AT&T drops thousands of iPhone users every day. 

Here's a funny one:  the possibility of cable TV free without Fox!  Don't get me wrong, I think Time Warner could be a little better on the rates, but does Fox really think it will win this scenario?  TWC could shut out Fox and its affiliates and leave them scrambling to replace viewers.  TWC doesn't need to pay an extra $1 per subscriber to have them on the air, and I don't personally feel like paying $1 to save Fox from its subscription service demise.  Am  I willing to risk the loss of NFL?  Could TWC be shooting itself in the foot by saying "buh bye" to viewers?  Yes to both.  But guess what--except for that $50 box I had to buy earlier this year, I have a TV, and it's free.  And I still have TWC RoadRunner, which means I can still download or stream all the programs I want.  In the meantime, all will be restored to its righteous place in the universe, and Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert will ascend their thrones as the righteous heirs of cable news commentary.  

Merry New Year!

Sigh, my faith in humanity has been shaken, and I'm just not certain where to go with it. 

Call them Bosom Buddies:  Miss California USA and Carrie Prejean.  It appears that venerable news organizations such as TMZ have reported that--gasp!--Carrie Prejean's bosom was enhanced!  And what's worse--gasp!--Miss California USA loaned her the money to do it!  And it appears now that the organization is countersuing for a return of the implants!

Faced with these twin disclosures, I'm just devastated.  I remember once upon a time, when such pageants were honorable events in which women of dignity, respect, and values demonstrated their worth by prancing about in cleavage-freeing dining attire, swimsuits never meant to be touched by water, and sashes.  Oh, the sashes!  Each of the contestants is someone of optimum skill and technical mastery, including opera singers, pianists, and, my favorite, ventriloquists.  What could be more inspiring than seeing an entire country come together for one night of glamour and tiaras.  Each of these 50 or so women represent their home states as ambassadors.  Leaders.  Dignitaries.  

And now the dreams are crushed.  Deflated.  Poof!  Until I read the article posted by CNN online today, I simply had no reason to doubt the natural beauty of the pageant's contestants.  How could someone be artificially enhanced for such a competition?  That sort of thing is illegal in the Olympics, after all, isn't it verboten in the pageant world, too?  I mean, when these contestants demonstrate their love for country--or orphans--or third world debt relief--I take pause to consider the message each presents, for each represents an important point of view in our interconnected world.  

That such important pro-social messages--such meaning--could be undermined by artificial enhancements, I think is quite tragic.  And that contestant officials were apparently complicit in this act, which undermines dignity and self-respect, is all the more shocking.  

According to CNN.com, it appears that once Prejean became Miss California USA, she became 'belligerent' and 'created conflict'.  Apparently the pageant officials "all agreed ... that Prejean needed bigger breasts if she was to be competitive in the national pageant in April."  http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/10/20/miss.california.usa.suit/index.html.  The story goes that because she didn't have the money for the surgery, pageant officials agreed to loan it to her.  At that point, Prejean received a medical referral to Richard Heene, of Denver, Colorado, who recently made news as  the father of the notorious 'balloon-boy'.  He's not a doctor, sure, but he is a self-proclaimed amateur scientist and apparent expert on hot air and bag-filling.

Pageant officials indicate that in addition to a financial award, they also intend to seek liberal visitation rights.  

 I haven't been this depressed since I found out professional wrestling is fake.  

I haven't exactly been taking a sabbatical from Roasted Nuts.  I haven't exactly had writer's block, either. Rather, I've just been so inundated with ideas inside my brilliant mind that I haven't been able to piece them all together.

My brilliance.  It's a blessing and a curse.  In any event, today will be about little more than a few rants and rambles about felons and guns.  We hit on each of the 3 big law enforcement gurus in today's Roasted Nuts.  

First, the sheriff.  As to the sheriff, Daniel Bice recently reported that despite his get tough attitude on collecting DNA, DNA collections at the House of Corrections lingered for something like 5 months, resulting in his disclosure that he...ahem...didn't even bother to collect DNA from at least 350 felons this year!  In the shadow of the Ellis charges, I really can't understand how so many felons fell through the cracks.  The Department of Correction's Division of Community Correction, which monitors felons ON THE STREETS seems to be doing a good job of collecting DNA.  It's those guys with a captive audience who failed to do the follow through.  The thing is, it should be even easier to collect DNA at a place like the House of Correction.  It's like shooting (or swabbing) fish in a barrel.  Grab 'em and tag 'em.  Gotcha!.  

What do they need to do?  Bring in Maury Povich?  He gets DNA results every week.  It can't be that difficult, can it?

That Daniel Bice article, BTW, can be retrieved online (http://www.jsonline.com/news/milwaukee/63459037.html)

I'm not going to be melodramatic and suggest each one of these gaps is a potential Walter Ellis, but....oh what the hell...each one of these missed tests could be another Walter Ellis!

Meanwhile, I had drafted the DNA stuff a week and a half ago, insulted enough at local law enforcement.  Then I read the newspaper today.  The journal sentinel reported that Police Chief Flynn and DA Chisolm are both on board with a plan to allow concealed carry of firearms.  

For those who think such laws are inevitable because we're one of the last states that doesn't allow it, I say B*LLSH*T.  (For those who can't decipher my code, it means "BELL SHUT".  I don't curse here, folks)

That being said, allowing concealed carry even under the premise that other loopholes would be closed, such as gun show exemptions is hardly a compromise.  Requiring permits for ownership does make sense, but making it into a felony makes less sense, because it would effectively punish people for possessing others guns' (even temporarily).  And how would those permits be made evident?  Would they need to be carried with the piece?  Would there be a searchable database accessible to police?  What if the gun was registered out of state?  Could it be verified?  How would any of this play during hunting season?  Would the permit go with the person or the piece?  I actually believe that registering each firearm would make a lot of sense, but I'm not sure about the feasibility of that.  

As for eliminating concealed carry laws outright, there would be problems with that, too.  First, concealed weapons pose a threat to law enforcement and can be used to either facilitate a crime or give a criminal some added stamina to follow through with a crime.  Trust me, I've represented plenty of people who have used or held onto guns during the commission of crimes.  Imagine a typical scenario:  police stop a driver for suspended tags; the driver or a passenger shifts nervously while the police run plates, or appear nervous when police approach;  police search the car and find a gun under the passenger seat in back.  Under today's law, someone would get prosecuted for a misdemeanor.  Under the apparently new line of thinking, police would find the gun and go, "Huh.  Nice piece.  Have a good drive, and sorry for the inconvenience!"  Given the fear of officers' safety in a traffic stop without concealed carry being legal, think of the effect on a police officer's psyche if concealed carry were legal:  more people allowed to have more guns without recourse.  It can't be a good result.  

Concealed carry laws are problematic.  but they are the best tool we have right now.  And as for prosecutions involving criminals who carried guns during the commission of a crime, it would be almost superfluous and irrelevant for a DA to argue that gun possession during the commission of a crime is an aggravating factor, because it would be perfectly legal (unless, under these new proposals, it is an unregistered firearm).  

At least the gun stores will benefit.  Think of the boon to sales it will be when thugs realize that the absence of a felony conviction on their record would entitle them to freely carry a registered, concealed gun.  They'll be lining up at Badger.   

I like a lot of what Tom Barrett is talking about:  making a second or subsequent concealed carry violation into a felony.  Laws requiring felons to keep a certain distance from gun stores would also be beneficial in stopping those who use their friends or significant others' to purchase a firearm while the felon waits in the car outside the store.  That tool may be difficult to implement, but it sharply addresses the straw purchases that have concerned police as of late.  

The reality of it is that there's a bit of class warfare going on in this concealed weapons debate.  Any of these restrictions are going to disparately effect individuals based on wealth and race.  I worry that the  result of staunch gun rights advocacy is to flame distrust, hatred, and violence.  I don't think any of us want to live in the Old West.  Or want to feel like we have to pack heat to protect ourselves.  I want to live in a safer community.  I think that we're safer with fewer guns, not more.  

 I know it's been a bit since I last posted, but it's been quite a busy summer.  I find when you have two kids, summer becomes busy days, not lazy days.  We have had parks, swimming lessons, zoos, and vacations.  I have to constantly fight that selfish and lazy urge inside of me...to sleep late, to mow the lawn tomorrow not today, etc. etc.

That being said, it's been one of the great summers, if you ask me.  

The kids are getting bigger, and we had a great time on a family vacation earlier this summer.  Drove to Florida, took a cruise to the Bahamas, and back.  And up until the last day of the trip, the kids were perfect. They only got ornery in the last 7 hour stretch of cornfields.

I know people are very surprised that we took the two younglings on a road trip, but I have to say (perhaps begrudgingly) that road trips can be awesome.  If you have the time, you can save money and see a lot.

For example, Metropolis, Illinois.  When we first drove by Metropolis, it was late at night, so we couldn't stop.  On the way back, however, it was about 3:00 or so.  Just the right time to see.....the Superman statue!  I had 4 days of luxury aboard a cruise ship, stepped on non-Canadian foreign soil for the first time in my life, and saw all things gorgeous in our vast country.  But for me, the highlight was Supes.  I like to pretend the kids had fun, too.  

We did other things, and we're still doing a few more things this summer, but it's been pretty fun so far.

And it looks like government started to get things done, too.  We've got a brand-spanking new Supreme Court Justice who, for the first time in a while, seems to have a real personality.  Regardless of political persuasion, anyone who isn't moved by her personal story must be stone cold.  She's a latina girl from the Bronx.  Kinda like JLo, JD, right?

Of course, I came back to Milwaukee after only being gone a week, and discovered a few pesky things.  Like construction.  The entire trip to Florida, everywhere--and I really, honestly, truly mean everywhere--was under construction.  Milwaukee, Chicago, Illinois, Kentucky.  Orange cones everywhere.  My wife and I decided we should invest in orange cone manufacturing, because someone's making a killing on those things.  They're everywhere.  So when we get back to Glendale, Good Hope Road was torn up.  I knew it was going to happen, but after a 14 hour driving day, geesh, 1 mile from the freeway to the house would have been nice if it weren't set up like a giant pavement pinball game.  

And then I went to Bayshore.  Those of you who know me know I like to support local businesses, in big or small.  So I usually get a large diet Coke from  the Chocolate Factory when I'm nearby.  And on my way to get my soda last week, I passed a new restaurant under construction.  And because I'm apparently slow, it took me a few minutes to realize that it was a sub sandwich restaurant chain.  Where the Chinese restaurant and Arby's used to be.  Basically, right next to the Chocolate Factory.  

So I'm thinking to myself,  "WTF"?  (translation:  "what's that for?".  I don't curse in this space.  This column is rated PG).  So I repeatedly said, WTF? WTF?  I couldn't believe that such a travesty was allowed to take place.  Another sub restaurant right next door to a classy, locally owned, distinguished sub shop?  It makes no sense to me.  And it doesn't make sense for two reasons:  first, why would they have 2 of the same thing next to each other at all?  And secondly, why would a mall, in tough economic times, ok a situation where two of its tenants would directly compete?  I suppose that all of a mall's tenants can be in direct competition with one another, so maybe that's not the issue.  Maybe the issue is that a restaurant like the Chocolate Factory represents the best of our community.  Locally owned.  People we know.  A landmark.  We don't need to see more landmarks fail in this economy.  

I want to make sure that I'm clear about a few things.  First, the new restaurant is, also, likely locally owned.  That means whoever owns that restaurant has a family and is just trying to make a buck and provide for his or her family.  That's honorable.  Nonetheless, I'm still confounded by the logic of placing these two businesses next to each other.  

Perhaps I'm biased.  After all, my fondest memories of Bayshore Mall go back to when I was a kid and I used to play on the carousel horses that the CF had in their original location (not too far from Tiffany's cookies, if I remember, which always gave away free cookies to kids.  A key reason why Tiffany's probably not there anymore).  I know that the Chocolate Factory moved its location a few times, and my impression was they were always playing nice nice with the needs of the mall as it would expand.  For about 30 years the Chocolate Factory has been, and will always be, good tenants and a responsible business owner in the community.  

There are those who will rightly point out that the two restaurants are different and that they will serve to different crowds.  Chocolate Factory has artisan breads, hearty meats and vegetables, and terrific desserts and ice cream.  The other one has that guy who went on a diet.

In any event, you guys should check out CF's sub of the month--a greek sounding delight called the "Cool Cucumber Sub"--smoked turkey breast, cucumbers, lettuce tomato, onion, and my favorite---tzatziki sauce!--served on a warm & lightly crusted sub roll.  

I know where I'm going for lunch.  

Here are a few headlines I expect to see in a very short timespan:  

1)  In local news tonight, the wiener slipped out of the bun. 

2)  Wienermobile doesn't cut the mustard.  

3)  Police grill driver over cause of accident.  

4)  Sausage link to crash probed.  Chorizo questioned.    

5)  The Dog Days of Summer

6)  Kielbasa flips; onions held for questioning.  

Got a better one?  Send them in!

 Just wanted to post a quick note about Glendale Days, guys.  

This year it begins on Thursday and ends on Sunday.  We're looking forward to tons of food and fun.

Yours truly will even be in the parade!

Make sure you check it out, support our local vendors, and have a great time.

Happy Independence Day!

 I have to say that I've been exceedingly frustrated at the lack of coverage over Ed McMahon's death.  It's not like anything else is going on in the world.  

Just to keep track of celebrity deaths over the last few months:

If you have to ask who these people are, you should be ashamed...but look these legends up on imdb if you need to...

1)  Gale Storm

2) Fred Travalena

3) Farrah Fawcett

4) Michael Jackson

5) Ed McMahon

6) Billy Mays

7) David Carradine

As if that wasn't enough, slightly less recently....

8) Steve Gilborn (ok, I didn't know about this one until today)

9) Pat Hingle

10) Ricardo Montalban

11) Bob May (I'll give you this one..he played the Robot (including the voice) in Lost in Space

12) Bob Bogle (the Ventures' electric guitarist)

It's not a good year to be famous.

Now Karl Malden?  Sigh.

 Growing up, greek meant Mel Brooks' History of the World Part I and Animal House (TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!).  Years later, settling in Glendale, I've often been asked if I thought anything was missing.  To that, I've replied, simply, yes:  a Greek restaurant.  Now that Glendale is complete, I have no reason ever to leave again. 

See I never lived on the east side, but I used to hang out there all the time.  I've been to Greek Town in Chicago numerous times, too.  Quite simply, I love Greek food.

You can, therefore, imagine the anticipation that had been slowly building up in me upon first seeing construction for Gyro Palace on Port Washington Road, south of Silver Spring.

I was waiting for the right time to get there, and found out that it opened almost a month ago.  Finding myself at the post office near lunch time, I knew that Gyro Palace was my next stop.

And let me tell you, it's quite nice.  A lot of people equate Greek restaurants as dives.  Holes in the wall.  Some are.  I usually love those, too.  But Milwaukee is lucky to have a large population of Greek restaurants--gyro stands, family style restaurants, and the like.  I don't know why it took so long for Glendale to get one, but I was very satisfied.

In a roasted nutshell, the food was great.  I had a chicken shishkebob meal with a greek side salad.  Let me just say that the chicken was juicy and plentiful.  The salad fresh and tasty.  Refillable sodas are always a plus.  The staff was friendly, and there was no wait.  

If I'm not mistaken, this restaurant is one of 3.  A quick google search of "gyro palace" turned up 3 in the Milwaukee area:  the Glendale one, one on S. 27th, and another in Walker's point on South 2nd Street, which I've been to before and can attest to the tastiness of their gyros and sauce.

I'm a big proponent of supporting local businesses, especially ethnic cuisine, and even more especially, really good food.  

Give it a try!

UPDATE:  Just a quick tip of the hat to my office mate... who knows who she is... who is claiming credit for me choosing to go to Gyro Palace in the first place.  In truth, she beat me to the restaurant and was the first to tell me how wonderful their food is.  Satisfied?

 This is really frustrating.  I went to sleep last night and the television was working fine.  Norm MacDonald had just come out to greet Conan O'Brien on the Tonight Show.  I vaguely recall my wife surreptitiously...in that floating state between awake and asleep...grab the remote.  I didn't think much of it at the time.

But when I woke up. nothing worked.  No Matt Lauer.  No Diane Sawyer.  Just snow.  In June.

There must be a reason.  Has anyone else reported any trouble?  I called up Channel 4 and they said everything was working fine.  They said something about a digital television.  I told them my television was, in fact, a digital tuner.  I haven't had a turn dial on my TV in 20 years.  Just point the remote and click.

Is this some kind of conspiracy to get people to buy televisions?

.....Is on its way out!

I love how the Republicans like to argue that regulating smoking in business establishments such as bars or taverns is somehow such a terrible sin against the private rights of business owners.  These business owners' rights to exist, to contract with others, or to express their first amendment rights are diminished by state interference with the free flow of second hand smoke.

Well, enough is enough.  And it's long overdue.  People recognize that the rights of the many outweigh the rights of the few, and for once, Republicans are on the opposite side of that argument.  The Tavern League has lobbied long and hard to block the rights of the majority to be free of cancer.

Apparently those opposing the ban think that eliminating smoking in bars will be bad for business. Truthfully, I think it won't be bad for business.  It will be bad for drunks.  More people will be able to go to bars and spend money without having to endure a hazy tar cloud.  

Hell, what could be better for business?

 Well I have to admit it.  I was a skeptic.  I know you don't all expect that I'd write a movie review in my blog, but I just came back from the premiere of the new Star Trek movie. 

And it rocks.

Logically, I should be ticked.  It some major ways it rewrites the entire 40 + years of Star Trek history and continuity.  But the reality is that it's all worth it.  This is a gamble that paid off big time.  I hope that when the weekend comes, people flock in to see this.  

Go see it.  It's really a fun movie.

Not that I actually have influence, but given my rather inflated sense of self-importance, I figure that if I present my endorsements to my viewers today, I can at least feel that I have influence. With that said, here are my endorsements for the Spring election, all of which are non partisan (although you might have trouble believing it).

Let's start with Branch 6 Circuit Court Judge. Christopher Lipscomb's the guy. With 17 years of experience as a municipal prosecutor, as well as a wide-ranging private practice and elective experience as a municipal judge, Lipscomb is the guy. I don't know how or why his competition, Brostrom, has been able to play the experienced prosecutor card, given that her prosecutorial experience consists of only a two month stint in the DA's office. Whatever. She's probably well-versed, savvy, and a true community leader. Those qualities are all great. But for breadth of knowledge, experience, and prior judicial experience, Lipscomb gets the edge. Promote Judge Lipscomb.

Branch 15: JD Watts.

Supreme Court: Shirley Abrahamson. My dad is fond of telling me that she taught him taxation in law school. When arch-conservative jerks deride her as some type of leftist pro-criminal activist, they totally ignore her knowledge, experience, and insight in a full range of civil matters which comprise the breadth of the court's workload. Her competitor has none of that, much less any of her charisma.

Superintendent of Schools: Tony Evers. I prefer the people who lead our public institutions to not only believe in those institutions, but not plan on dismantling them. As to his competition, she seems to have little to no experience in public education, and the administrative job is too important to entrust to someone with an agenda.

Glendale River HIlls School Board: Um. DUH! ME! Andrew L. Franklin.

Nicolet School Board: Um, DUH! My mother! Marilyn K. Franklin. A former teacher with 33 years of elective school board experience (and 39 years of having my brother and me as her children) she knows the importance of qualifications, experience and involvement to the successful operation of a school district as impressive as Nicolet. She comes with no agenda other than to make sure that each of our children achieves success.